Sunday, January 24, 2010

Fear Factor

I am sort of shitting my pants because my husband has just gone to pick up a drafting table from some Craigs.list killer in Glendale(40 miles away).  Seriously, who else allows or agrees to a 10:30p.m. transaction with a "stranger"?  Besides the obvious mistress that Andy has been forced to take in these times of less sex.  Fuck her.  Is it wrong to sit worrying that someone will be fucking and/or killing my husband and to feel bothered that it will not be me getting to do these things to him.  But seriously, I do worry that something will happen...worry for harm to my Andy, not him being sexed by another.  He does deserve desire more sex.

And while I am trying to focus on all of the disturbing things that could be happening in some random and far away apartment tonight, out comes my little jammie clad Ernie, in his snugly fitted Carolina Blue polar fleece footie pajamas. In his bed maybe 4 minutes before emerging sheepishly to report his need for water.

Ernie:  (smiling and avoiding eye contact) Mommy, my tummy hurts, I need water.
MeYou have water by your bed.
ErnieMaybe I need something to eat.  Maybe a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

Sigh.  Grateful for distraction from dark scary place in my head,   I make sandwich and hope that he will eat it ALL or at least that I won't, if he doesn't.  Remove crusts and deliver in favorite orange bowl to Ernie roosting smugly in "his" corner of the couch.

ErnieMommy turn Sesame Street on for me.
Me(Too tired to offer reminder to say "please"):  I am turning on the timer and not the TV.  In 5 minutes, you are going back to bed.  Now please, eat up.  Mommy is tired and wants to go to bed too.

Ernie takes 4 bites in 5 minutes and calmly allows me to return him to bed.
Aaaah, resume worrying for a whole 35 seconds before next visit....more than enough time to contemplate PBJ crusts and leftover sandwich.
Ernie Mommy?  I need my baby and my monkeys.   And my diggers book.

We search and gather, returning to his room to position all the "nai nai" gear.
MeGood Night Buddy.  Stay in your bed.  I will come back in 20 minutes and whatever you need, I will get it for you.  But only if you stay in bed.  I love you.
ErnieLove you  mommy.

I can't believe I must wait all alone with the PBJ scraps for Andy's safe return home.  Maybe Ernie will visit just one more timeAlthough, it seems he is staying put.  Dammit.
I sadly suspect that he is upon the age for discovering fear.  He requested I look out the window to see what was out there before returning to his little nest.  God, I mean and hope to always be someone he will come to for assurance.

10:54 p.m. Andy has phoned. Unscathed, he is in his truck, and on his way.  That bastard.  I can't believe he is cheating :)~

Time to go Nai Nai


  1. The big risk is not so much serial killers but money launderers. They offer to buy your white elephants then send you a check for too much money and ask you to write them a check back for $100 less - for your trouble.

  2. So he was not out getting some action...

  3. That is a weird time to be willing to meet someone.. I have done transactions on craigslist many times and so far still alive :)

  4. LOL Have you ben watching too much Dexter? Glad he is safe and sound.

  5. Now I'm craving PB&J's and serial killers. Glad no one was maimed or killed.

  6. Craig's List rocks. 10:30pm is just wierd. I rememebr doing those things when I was young....always with the water....maybe I was dehydrated??

  7. Oh wow.. that is a weird time??
    I would have been shitting my pants as well.
    Glad he made it home safe and sound, and that he was NOT getting some action on the side!!!

    Very sweet with you and your little man. I eat the crusts too!

    Have I told you lately that I love you???

  8. Did he at least come home with the table? If not then I might worry.. silly girl

  9. I'm with Vodka did he have the table? Then you can tell yourself, despite the ridiculous hour, that once again men are just crazy! Not neccessarily cheating. I am so having a PB&J as my bfeeding snack tonight. Yummy!

  10. Okay people. It was just fun material to suggest the alternative worry to the serial killer. I do not fret that anybody in hour house has additional energy for sex or conversation with anyone. Andy did return home with table. My only semi-real concerns were that he might be sodomized or murdered. After seeing the changeling, my fear for things of this nature is greater than before. Thanks for the support.

  11. The Changeling is that disturbing movie with Angelina where her son disappears.

  12. I wish we all had a purple crayon and could just draw things how we wanted them/needed them to be like Harold.

  13. You have issues...funny to read about issues.

  14. I don't know if picking up a drafting table at 10:30 is all that bad. But take it from me, you don't want to pick up "Hot Roommate's Dryer Lint" at that hour. "Barely Used Ball Gag" is also something you should only pick up during daylight.

  15. The ending of this post? CLASSIC. M'lady. Well done!

    BTFW, why are you getting wried comments in Chinese? And I swear it is not from me. I can understand though, and it is NOT a curse or even an insult. Or trying to sell you stuff. The rough translation: Life can be low/mundane/laborious, but you need to set your sights/goals high/with integrity.

  16. I think 10:30 is a perfectly acceptable time to make a business transaction with a total stranger.

    I do it ALL the time.

    Just yesterday I bought a bra from a one legged tranny at 11:30 pm. Better deals to be had...


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