Fear Factor

I am sort of shitting my pants because my husband has just gone to pick up a drafting table from some Craigs.list killer in Glendale(40 miles away).  Seriously, who else allows or agrees to a 10:30p.m. transaction with a "stranger"?  Besides the obvious mistress that Andy has been forced to take in these times of less sex.  Fuck her.  Is it wrong to sit worrying that someone will be fucking and/or killing my husband and to feel bothered that it will not be me getting to do these things to him.  But seriously, I do worry that something will happen...worry for harm to my Andy, not him being sexed by another.  He does deserve desire more sex.

And while I am trying to focus on all of the disturbing things that could be happening in some random and far away apartment tonight, out comes my little jammie clad Ernie, in his snugly fitted Carolina Blue polar fleece footie pajamas. In his bed maybe 4 minutes before emerging sheepishly to report his need for water.

Ernie:  (smiling and avoiding eye contact) Mommy, my tummy hurts, I need water.
Me:  You have water by your bed.
Ernie:  Maybe I need something to eat.  Maybe a peanut butter and jam sandwich.

Sigh.  Grateful for distraction from dark scary place in my head,   I make sandwich and hope that he will eat it ALL or at least that I won't, if he doesn't.  Remove crusts and deliver in favorite orange bowl to Ernie roosting smugly in "his" corner of the couch.

Ernie:  Mommy turn Sesame Street on for me.
Me(Too tired to offer reminder to say "please"):  I am turning on the timer and not the TV.  In 5 minutes, you are going back to bed.  Now please, eat up.  Mommy is tired and wants to go to bed too.

Ernie takes 4 bites in 5 minutes and calmly allows me to return him to bed.
Aaaah, resume worrying for a whole 35 seconds before next visit....more than enough time to contemplate PBJ crusts and leftover sandwich.
Ernie:  Mommy?  I need my baby and my monkeys.   And my diggers book.

We search and gather, returning to his room to position all the "nai nai" gear.
Me:  Good Night Buddy.  Stay in your bed.  I will come back in 20 minutes and whatever you need, I will get it for you.  But only if you stay in bed.  I love you.
Ernie:  Love you  mommy.

I can't believe I must wait all alone with the PBJ scraps for Andy's safe return home.  Maybe Ernie will visit just one more time.  Although, it seems he is staying put.  Dammit.
I sadly suspect that he is upon the age for discovering fear.  He requested I look out the window to see what was out there before returning to his little nest.  God, I mean and hope to always be someone he will come to for assurance.


10:54 p.m. Andy has phoned. Unscathed, he is in his truck, and on his way.  That bastard.  I can't believe he is cheating :)~

Time to go Nai Nai