Come on, Tori

I second Chelsea Handler's sentiments for Tori Spelling.    Tori seizes every opportunity to boast with that smug horsey smile, "We are just so in love.  For us, its easy. Because.....(gay dramatic pause)  Well, love is easy when it is right". Does this suggest that when it gets tough it must be wrong and over?  That is healthy and mature.  Whatever.

You and Dean were cheating when you began and your marital problems and dishonesty are no secret, Tori. You can only improve your situation once you can be honest about it.  I hope that is just your TV persona saying what you have to, for money and that in reality you are working to keep it together for those two sweet little babies.

My thoughts are unstoppable as I ponder UnknownMami's latest entry:  What is marriage?

My response:

Marriage is work, like fitness, a career, parenting. Each day you do your best to be fair, generous, and respectful as you attempt to stay focused on the goal. Many days the best we can do around here is to promise to do better tomorrow. Marriage is the ideal  place to practice offering and receiving (and in some cases, waiting for) forgiveness and consideration.  Marriage is difficult and great, perhaps in that order.

I frequently remind myself (and my husband) that love is what you do in-spite of what you feel. It is acting with care when it feels unreasonable. It is not a perpetually sweet squishy compelling feeling for a person. It is kindness, a sense of belonging for a person especially when he/she is acting unloving or unlovable.  Marriage for us is the promise to never stop trying.

Its easy to act kindly when we feel "the feeling" and when our needs are met. Love is acting so when "the feeling" has escaped. Mine is currently AWoL. I once heard an older married lady explain the success of her 60 year marriage by saying that they were lucky to have never fallen out of love at the same time.

Being frustrated hinders my ability to act lovingly towards my husband.  All I can do is to keep the promise. 

FAKE-cation

Is it noteworthy that one wiser than me would be unsurprised by the tedium of driving 9 hours to camp for 8 days with 2 babies? Before proceeding, I should first express my genuine excitement for trial #2 of this annual pilgrimage. I know it will get easier and I embrace the opportunity to do a better job.

However, it feels almost urgent that I unleash before I can in due detail share the more enjoyable aspects of our adventure. Regarding the many magical people, sights, and experiences of our time at Lake Topaz, they will appear in a future post. As souvenirs from Topaz’09, I have retained chapped skin, cold sores, a sore throat, and am utterly rundown from NO sleep. Additionally, I am somehow, astonished(and undeniably bitter) that this fun (although draining) outing did not transform marriage and parenting to acts of pure and natural ease for me.

Without internet access, walls or doors, and constant proximity of no more than 7 feet to sounds and/or demands of others. Well, it’s just too much. This vacation (air quotes please) was preceded by 9 solid days of confinement with 2 sick little ones in the house. Making for a total of 20 days with no respite from people or domestic responsibility.

What happened to my fantasy of joyfully spreading a gingham checked table cloth on which we sit to enjoy attractive and tasty fun meals. And those relaxing nightly walks with Andy, gazing at the stars and holding hands while rehashing the day?

I need a break.

I burn for some space and momentum, both physical and mental. Having grown squishy equally upstairs and down, I feel especially irritable.