Puppy Love

When my husband, Andy, and I met for the first time, we did so at a park with our dogs,King Simon and Tara.  If our dogs clashed, we would forgo a second date.  Since my little schnauzer-esque mutt graciously submitted to being herded by Andy's Australian Cattle dog, we decided to get married.  A firm basis for a fruitful and life long commitment, don’t you think??  If your dogs get along, you should tie the knot!  It’s an effective and highly unsung indicator of long term compatibility.

Hello Cupcake

4:57 am Thursday:  As a mother of almost 3 year old Ernie and 15 month old Bert, the occasions of birthdays and holiday celebrations have assumed new and magnificent meaning.  With Ernie's birthday only weeks away, I am searching do-able ways to make this "first "real birthday" memorable and happy for him.  (From my own childhood, I have some memorable ones, but no real "happy ones").
With deficiencies in experience, time, energy, and money,  I still remain excited, not overly confident... but inspired. 

Since we have no friends or family  Ernie likes his space and prefers quieter times, we are only inviting 3 families.  Because of his nap schedule, we are hosting a brunch event.  For his diminished fear and growing interest in bounce houses, we have decided to get one for the day.

For his fascination with Cookie Monster, I am pretending to plan to make the following cupcakes.  My husband often mocks my inclination to underestimate the totality of all tasks. 

But seriously, how hard can it be.   I have never made cupcakes, ever.  Primarily for lack of my cupcaked childhood, cupcaking mother as role model, and occasions to bake cupcakes.
Let's see.  What possible outcomes might the following equation yield with regards to "birthday party" throwing:

 desire + sensitivity + (possible)procrastination

inexperience x general lack of creativity x holiday demands

8:22pm:
Hours of thought later:  Easy Peezy.  Mix Duncan Hines cake batter.  Pour into little papery cup things. Bake for specified time.  Wrangle Andy for his precision and detail orientation to do the rest cut slit and insert cookie after frosting and rolling with sprinkles. Observe. Manage. Micro-manage. Share cupcakes and story on day of celebration.

Must research how to make googlie eyes.

If you have read my post detailing my likeness to Martha Stewart(you can click here or here to read because I am soooo interesting and witty),  you will understand the significance of my intentions and apprehensions. 

9:00pm:
Just returned from the market....with Funfetti cupcake mix and frosting.   Did not see googly eye makers or blue sprinkles.  Probably just as well since it is unlikely that I would have created the perfectly matched shade of blue frosting...or is it icing?  Whatever.  These colorful little confections will be ideal.

With an orange candle, his favorite people, and some pretty cool gifts, it will be perfect.  Affirmation:  Ernie just glimpsed this picture and exclaimed, "Look mamya, I like those.  I have one now?"  Thankfully, that is without having seen the cookie monster photo.  It is going to be a great celebration.

Who knows?  Maybe we will just make the cookie monster cupcakes for fun one day when there is no pressure of time or for party perfection.  Thank you Ernie for teaching me about celebration.

Influence or Control...What is our goal?

Today, I had to discipline my sweet Ernie.  It was a mild infraction.
You see, baby Bert was in the flower bed chucking dirt onto the porch and the driveway.   Ernie  suggested we clean up the dirt with his new cleaning cart.  "We clean up when the mess is finished so we only have to do it once", I told him.  He looked forward to helping me after Bert went down for a nap.....Aaaaw, my little helper.

In the interim, he  joined Bert in the flower bed.  I reminded him:  "Bert is still a baby and does not know how to not make a mess but you are big and know how to play in other ways."  Sensing his urge I aptly warned him, "If you throw dirt on the porch or driveway, you will  have to wait  to play with your brown thing".  Staring into my eyes, he heaved his load onto the driveway.

Now, I don't mind activity  that results in mess.  What I object to is activity intended to make mess.  I was pained by his angst over hearing my broken record voice recite,  "Uh-oh, now we have to wait to play with the brown thing. "  (I don't know what its called so we call this gourd/ rain stick thing the brown thing.)

I think I heard his heart break as I explained  that the brown thing would have to wait until after he showed me good listening and that he no longer needed  reminders. Oh, those tears, the booboo lip and the pleading.  I  reminded myself to stay the course and not negotiate or explain too much.   He learns something valuable each time I follow through;  not only about rules and respect but about love.

I was thankful that moments later he pooped and needed my help and I was able to offer the unspoken assurance that I am still crazy for him.  I was probably more excited than he  when after  his nap he was able to have his brown thing.

When I deliver a consequence, it is only and exactly what he knows it will be.   After the initial drama, we resume playing or talking or whatever we are doing, unless he chooses otherwise. Even when I still feel agitated I avoid cross tones and suggestions of further admonishment.  Consequences can be  simple and predictable and finite when we make bad choices  (when under the age of 8).

It is troubling to me when parents use emotional banishment to alienate their children and make them afraid and uncertain of how long punishment lasts and if they are still loved.  Why not follow through with a natural consequence and some redirection and MOVE ON.  I guess the difference stems from what you want them to learn from the experience.  My intent is to influence my children rather than control them.  My hope is that from this, they learn to control themselves because I can't always be there.

I enjoyed this article in the New Yorker regarding discipline.  The article lists and details some terrific books that are fun for children and subtly teach morality.  "The language of a good children’s story is precise and consistent, offering a genial way for parents to address misbehavior."  Click here to read the article with suggested titles.

Finding Gray

While attempting to be stealth (difficult for clumsy giant like myself) in preparing the 5 am bottle, an especially menacing spider literally dropped in on me. As I reached to open the microwave, it boldly descended toward my hand, challenging me to not scream. My immediate thought was "I fucking hate spiders". That is simply ridiculous. I don't hate spiders. I have an irrational and acute fear of them. They make me uncomfortable and anxious.

I do hate murderers,pedophiles, animal abusers....
I don't hate mayonnaise. I refuse to eat it.

Similarly, I do not love Baja Fresh. I enjoy it. A LOT!
I love my friends,family, and King Simon(ONLY conditionally, when it suits me, of course).

As a mother of children learning to speak, I hope to model more reasonable language indicative of that gray area I keep hearing so much about. How do I teach, what I myself am still learning?

Happy Birthday

Our Ernie has completed his first year and his rate of change is breathtaking. I regularly feel put upon because the little guys need so much and I admit there are moments when I want to fast forward to a day when they can do more for themselves. But then I recognize a sadness for all that I would miss. Although I tire from always carrying someone, it often feels like a dream: When Ernie sits on my hip like a baby Koala clinging to its tree and......... When he and Bert light up and crack up for one another, Smiling at the great number of sounds and faces and gestures Ernie uses to communicate with us, As I wrestle him to his back for EVERY diaper change and then gobble his belly and hamhock thighs, As I indulge his commitment to not holding the bottle for himself, As I ogle Ernie's chunky little fingers moving in mechanical fashion to grasp peas and cheerios, the way elephants use those little fingery things on their trunks to clutch peanuts before shoving them in to their open mouths. ( I love elephants too.but in a different lesser way) I dedicate this post to my little guy at the end of his first year. Keep up the great work superstar. My love for my boys is overwhelming and caring for them in all ways is the greatest privilege and achievement I will ever know. I wonder at what age they could do something that might unleash a need to judge or criticize. I honestly cannot imagine such a day. PS Ernie(Boy,am I desperate to use your real name)~Some additional noteworthy and lovable attributes:

• the intoxicating smell and feel of your skin,especially the back of your neck. YUM
• the face you make when you clap your chunky little meat paws
• your tough to resist attempts to initiate play when we lay you down to sleep
• your almost expert precision when poking your wiener tip every chance you get (Now, aren't you glad I protected your real identity.)

Is It Here Yet??

In the three years prior to my break from teaching, I was assigned the responsibility of a student teacher each semester. At first, I was honored. Many wanted student teachers and were not chosen. Working with the motivated and bright student teachers was beneficial and fun for my students as for me. Unfortunately, I found the converse also to be true. My struggle to guide the sloth like and dim (verging on Mr. McGoo) novice, in my final semester, helped to send me over the edge, racing to submit my notice of leave. In the year prior to my burnout, I received notice that I would serve as Master Teacher AGAIN. I apprehensively set out to retrieve my anticipated new apprentice from the office. Bitterly joking I inquired, "Is it here yet?". Since she was late by a few days, I had been enjoying a laugh with the office staff each morning as I broadcast inquiry of her arrival. On day 3, she appeared in jeans and flip flops. My judgment for the tardiness and attire coupled with her hearing me ask "Is it hear yet?" Well, lets just say, it was not love at first sight. She now, as a seasoned teacher in a top performing school, 5 years later, claims to prosper from emulating like teaching routines, strategies, and environment. I like to boast that she has also since, written several childrens books and married a wonderfully sweet man whom she met while under my supervision. Things may have easily gone a different way for her, right?

Even after requesting too many times that she PLEASE reserve her fashionable jeans and flip flops for bars and the beach, her charms could not be denied. My dear friend and godmother to our boys as well as King Simon. Who would have predicted the gift of our friendship? She resides in my thoughts now sitting amidst her family, bravely. Both slowly and quickly, her father slipping away, comfortably wrapped in the blanket of his loving family, whom he inspired and protected. His abundant life of far too little time, shall be punctuated by a peaceful and heartwarming departure.

Thank you John, for making my friend , who is loving and forgiving, and the most benevolent person I know.

Brain Cancer....you scary dreadful monster.