Finally

Freaking Hysterical.  Finally and sadly I have finished reading When You Are Engulfed By Flames.  Here is an excerpt from the final page that keeps me giggling to myself.  After surviving however many days without a cigarette, Sedaris contemplates his new found beneficence.
Now that I've quit, I've started collecting trash- not tons, but a little every day.  If, for example, I see a beer bottle left on a park bench, I'll pick it up and toss it into the nearest garbage can, which is usually no more than a few feet away.  Then I say, "Stupid lazy asshole couldn't be bothered to throw away his own fucking bottle."

Speaking of assholes:  After collecting the 14 piles of dog poop, I wash my hands at the kitchen sink and conduct a visual sweep to be certain I have not missed any errant logs or chunks. I look out the kitchen window and spot Tara by the playhouse scooting with her body in that C-shape position with her ass-hole rubbing wholly (pun intended) on the driveway.  I estimate the scoot to cover 9-15 inches. And since that in itself is not troublesome enough, I watch with baited breath as she intently retraces her trail with her nose.  I think it was like a line of cocaine for her.  Immediately after, in a  stoked frenzy, she shook her rope toy vigorously and repeatedly  while turning circles and leaving a flurry of rope shreds.
I can just vacuum those after I scrub the skid she left... in the epicenter of Bert's favorite crawling and hand-licking area.

i miss you

If you have taken the time to check in,  I apologize for the energy spent on a fruitless mouse click.  Immediately following the birthday funk came 4 angry molars, tearing through my baby Bert's sweet tender gums.  Fortunately, his discomfort allows me enough sleep to narrowly cheat death and certifiable insanity.  Some people might find sleeping from 9pm-11pm sufficient. 
Too tired to read, blog, or talk.  I pine for my blogger friends and for my husband (my only remaining connections to the world outside).  Aside from directives, promises, and "Good Night"  Andy and I are muted by weariness.

....AND I very much NEED to finish reading When You Are Engulfed by Flames by David Sedaris.  Additionally, my DVR cues for Bill Maher and Chelsea Lately are again neglected and seemingly unconquerable.

Laughter Returns

A friend of mine has loaned me the latest David Sedaris book, When You Are Engulfed By Flames. Hysterical.  While not one has made me laugh more than his first, Me Talk Pretty One Day, I adore him and will continue to read and savor every precious, hysterical uttering of his.  One of my favorite quotes by him regarding his father and his own self loathing:  "The only thing my father and I share is our contempt for me".   I think it was just after his dad discovered him smoking out in the basement at age 20 something,  unshowered, unemployed, and living at home.  I love that he expressed this in a tone void of despair.

I have been a sucker for a good laugh and have put up with a lot of shit from people simply because we made each other laugh.  Then I realized, lots of assholes are funny and had to set the bar a little higher.  Because lots of very nice people are funny as well.

At this time in my life, I still require good and frequent laughter and am grateful for my friends and a husband and even 2 youngsters who possess and enjoy great humor, or at least my brand.  And I must give thanks to my blogging colleagues(haha).  For each of you makes me laugh and smile and never cry(in the hurtful way) and that is what I love about our relationships.  I benefit from your loyalty and your wit at times when I might otherwise feel alone.  XO

Also, a special thanks to Chelsea Handler and Bill Maher as I am finally able to sit down and chip away at my DVR cues for Chelsea Lately and Real Time. Love Love Love them.