Friday, November 20, 2009


Freaking Hysterical.  Finally and sadly I have finished reading When You Are Engulfed By Flames.  Here is an excerpt from the final page that keeps me giggling to myself.  After surviving however many days without a cigarette, Sedaris contemplates his new found beneficence.
Now that I've quit, I've started collecting trash- not tons, but a little every day.  If, for example, I see a beer bottle left on a park bench, I'll pick it up and toss it into the nearest garbage can, which is usually no more than a few feet away.  Then I say, "Stupid lazy asshole couldn't be bothered to throw away his own fucking bottle."

Speaking of assholes:  After collecting the 14 piles of dog poop, I wash my hands at the kitchen sink and conduct a visual sweep to be certain I have not missed any errant logs or chunks. I look out the kitchen window and spot Tara by the playhouse scooting with her body in that C-shape position with her ass-hole rubbing wholly (pun intended) on the driveway.  I estimate the scoot to cover 9-15 inches. And since that in itself is not troublesome enough, I watch with baited breath as she intently retraces her trail with her nose.  I think it was like a line of cocaine for her.  Immediately after, in a  stoked frenzy, she shook her rope toy vigorously and repeatedly  while turning circles and leaving a flurry of rope shreds.
I can just vacuum those after I scrub the skid she left... in the epicenter of Bert's favorite crawling and hand-licking area.

1 comment:

  1. You are HYSTERICAL!!! Oh, how I missed your wit and charm, and wonderful writing style whilst I was away..

    Thank you for the mid-day chuckle.
    " I think it was like a line of cocaine for her." ~ too funny.
    Love the picture too ~ classic!!


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