Friday, November 23, 2012

Alone vs. Lonely

I was never lonelier, than as a married woman. Knowingly accepting a place holder for a loving partner did not work out for me. I'm glad that place is formally opened up. When we throw ourselves away to,fit in or please, there is no lonelier place. And I think for chameleon types, being alone is a relief....unless there are no alternatives. Balance!

In this program, I get to know myself and my faith. I work to become honest, open, and willing. And perhaps I will one day be able to engage in a mature, spiritual, and loving partnership. And with a developing faith in my God, I believe I will come to recognize and welcome a man with like principles (or at least not opposing, or worse, none at all).

I am beyond grateful for the awareness of what has plagued my relations and my life. Slowly and erratically, the awareness comes. I struggle in my wait for acceptance before taking action. I am seeking daily conscious contact with this power greater than myself. And great, indeed. For me, it was impossible to experience patience without faith. Being impatient as a way of life was terribly lonely. Impulsive desperate reactions shamed and isolated me more than anything else I can identify.
One day a time, it gets better. I do better. I get better. Thank God.

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