I grew up having instilled in me the notion that I cannot have what I want (unless it is valued equally by the person responsible for payment). Today, as a financially independent adult I see how this mentality still preys on me.
I am generous with my husband,children, and friends, to the extent that it is sensible, yet I am cheap with myself.
Say I admire a shirt that I feel costs "too much". I will search for a lower price or one similar for less. A typical outcome is that I end with several similar items, some of which I dislike more than others. And their sum total cost exceeds the price of the original item. I'd like a legitimate barometer for "too much" , other than "if i like it i can't have it".
....And this is how I come to have so many things in my closet and still nothing to wear.
With regard to conserving and spending, my thinking is flawed. On more than one occasion I have opted to not drop 25c in a meter since I will only be a minute. Rather than feeding the meter with a mere quarter, I risk and receive the $35 dollar parking ticket.
Yesterday while driving my precious cargo (the boys), I chose to search coupons.....WHILE DRIVING. It is clear now that the 75 cents I might save on the head of lettuce (that will spoil before use) is less in savings than NOT WRECKING the car. sheeeeesh
In the midst of divorce, now, more than ever, my children look to me. "They look to me to see how merciful and generous I am in good times. They look to me to see how strong and faithful I am in bad times. They watch, they listen, and they model. Years from now I want my children to remember a childhood lived well, with a mother who was loving, consistent, devoted, funny, disciplined, playful, and totally present and emotionally available."(Kristin Armstrong)
It all sounds so familiar. I am cheap with myself as well. But.. over the last year I have changed. I may not buy myself clothes but I do other things I enjoy and not feel guilty.
ReplyDeleteMy family is fed and happy and the bills are paid. Life is too short to not buy the blouse you want.
Great post xx
I shop for bargains too...I like knowing I've saved some money and the purchase ends up feeling more like a prize.
ReplyDeleteBut the meter thing...it would really annoy me if I got a ticket because I didn't put change in the meter. :(