Sunday (sort of)

On Saturday, when Andy returned home from his 6 day work week, he promptly aided in my extrication from home. As quickly as I was able, I sealed myself alone into the van and hauled ass to the beach.  My intent:  to take pictures of the Xmas decorations and the wonderfully cloudy sunset .

Garland wrapped light posts.

Easy Parking.  Score. Wind (I love wind).  Colorful sky. Aaaah.  Crisp SoCal winter air.  Nothing better.  Incoming Tide. So chill.  Brand new Canon Powershot loaded with fresh batteries and ready to go.  Stoked.  NOT.  You must be kidding me.  No freaking  memory card in camera.  Grunt. Curse. Sigh.  I  almost let this ruin the relief of my escape and the wonder of our beach this time of year.  Almost.  Then,  NOTE TO SELF: the pictures, themselves, are not your mission.  Taking the time to be still and appreciate the varied architecture and lighting of these homes against the darkening sea and sky, I noticed that on this night, to me, even the refinery in El Segundo was a sight for sore eyes.  Not just because I was away from my home but because the fire and emissions make beautiful colors at dusk.  It seems that without some space and the occasional minute to myself I cannot see much of what is right in front of me.  So, it took a minute,  but I got there.

I wrapped up this nearly ruined (mocking dramatic tone) photo-less getaway with a not-so-impulsive jaunt to Salvation Army where I cruised the books and t-shirts, another favorite pastime: moving at my own pace and following my thoughts to completion while looking at things of particular interest to ME.

The following day, I seized Andy's gracious rain-check  to return to the beach for my pictures.  I need reminders of the place I live and love AND rarely experience in this short stint of early parenting.  We ALL benefit from my having meaningful breaks.  I am glad I could do this for my family. (Me feeling smug and an urge to wink.  In real life, I do not wink).

Taking full advantage of Andy's generosity, I returned to what I had seen but been unable to photograph the evening before. I think it was even better.  Seeing it twice was certainly nice.

  A seriously feel good store, beautifully decorated.(It would feel even better if I could afford to shop there:)

Anyone out there that can tell me how to do captions?  probably power point, huh?

The Challenge

Saturday,  my morning began with country music (my favorite). With wide open windows and no children or sounds of Baby Einstein, heading west, I felt myself relax and breathe... and then smile for the new and peaceful thoughts that overcame  me.  I felt thankful for our So. Cal. sky; so perfectly blue and for the wind on my face and in my hair. Standing at attention (completely undistracted), I was gripped by the crashing waves, the wind and sun, people jogging, dog walking and bike riding the strand. Friday, while at  the beach (for only the 5th time this year) as I ran the great stretch of sand to the car for a diaper, I was reminded of my great neeeeeeeeed to feel that sand and the sun regularly, and the call to our great Pacific  Ocean.  Fact:  I need space. I can think of no better representation (for me) of open-ness and space than our endless beach.  I prize it equally for its constancy and unpredictability.  This is my Mecca.

During my first 12 years in Los Angeles, I visited the beach several times a week, if not daily. Walking 2-10 miles along the ocean, depending on time and company, biking, playing volleyball, often from sun up to sundown, and swimming when warm enough.  Oh, and sometimes just reading or even laying and doing nothing. While I do not wish to resume a life which allowed so much freedom, I miss the simple (conceptually simple) ritual of beach time activity.

Thrilled that our new camera remained in the van from Thanksgiving (details later:  very good), I snapped a few shots of OUR beach, hoping to capture the vibe.  Overwhelmed, I welcomed these feelings of freshness, freedom, and optimism. I committed myself to keeping the camera handy, with an active intent to report things that please,comfort, inspire, or touch me.

I actually felt excited as I neared my home and family after my very early and short little retreat.  Excited about them.  Excited about offering them a better me.  The photograph is more of a post-it on my soul than a comprehensive or even adequate record of my renewing interlude .

My challenge: to pay attention to all the "good", to force myself to look stare at it and share it.  Even with so much beauty all around me, my unrested eyes and mind sometimes struggle to properly regard it. Weary from continual but essential soul-deadening tasks and isolation, I find this difficult. 

I live 15 minutes from the beach!  The most unique aspect of my respite is that I made myself present for it....and that I have a husband who will encourage more like it.

I was able to celebrate by enjoying sex with my very sexy sweet husband.  Oh, Andy.  I can see you, now.  I can see.  Today, I see and feel so much to be thankful for.