Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Learning Detachment

I'm terrible at detachment. For now, my progress is turning my head, not reading emails, not taking calls, not listening to messages. I finally know beyond doubt the value of detachment and I'm able to practice it in less threatening situations quite well.

Regarding my hostile ex AH, I had to change his contact info so that when he texts,emails, or calls, instead of his name, what appears on my phone is: " It's alcoholism, the disease, its not personal." That at least makes me pause long enough to decide if I feel equipped in that moment to field his call.

Since coming to program I am helped greatly by being reminded constantly that what he says may or may not be true. And it really doesn't matter what he says. In 2 years, he has not said one nice or helpful thing. So it's pretty safe to just ignore completely. Actually, in marriage the same is true. I just didn't know about ignoring. I was too consumed martyring and controlling.

I have a folder in my email titled IGNORE. I have all his emails routed there so they can't derail me when I'm emailing. I only check the ignore folder after all other email tasks are complete...which is rarely. We do have children. But since I take care of all things not Disney, it's pretty low risk to put off dealing with him.


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