Monday, May 31, 2010

Nature vs. Nurture

Below are some traits that I hope the boys will get from us.  And some I hope they will be spared.
Mine are the ones in green.  Kidding.  I made a list for both Andy and myself.  I hope that in time, I will see more material for the green sections.  I'll inventory myself first.
  • hunger for books and information
  • love of animals
  • interest in people, words, and ideas
  • compassion
  • ability to develop lasting friendships in almost any situation
  • ability to laugh at self and life
  • humility
  • generosity with compliments and apologies
  • hot temper
  • short sightedness
  • anxiety...I am just a stresser. My life experience has not yet proven that everything will be OK.
  • low self esteem
  • a knack for understatement
  • composure
  • coordination
  • organization
  • self discipline
  • ability to make all things look nice
  • a need for perfection
  • fear of change
  • emotional detachment


  1. I think those traits are some of the ones we all want (or in the case of the red- don't want) our children to have. Unfortunately it seems we don't get much choice. You do your best and then cross your fingers! Lol.


  2. We have some common traits, that's for sure.

  3. I have spent hours. No, days. No, months admiring the positive traits our son has inherited, but more often than I should, dwelling on the less-than-positive MOMMY traits he has. Be careful with this- you can really beat yourself down when you start noticing things you hate about yourself in your kids.

  4. Sweets~ I hear you. But is it fair to expect from ourselves to modify and curb certain behaviors for their sake? For the most part, I do not show them my most destructive qualities... because they are destructive. But some people in the house (a-hem) see no harm in modelling if not directly teaching qualities that if adopted will compromise who they get to be.

    Spot~ I hear you too. I think it is my job to do more than cross my fingers in this situation. Thanks for being with me in this difficult time.

  5. I love this exercise ... it is a good one to realize what we do have to offer our children (other than a bad attitude and a fear of snakes). I'll have to try this sometime!

  6. Everyone calls my son "mini-me" because of how similar in personality we are. Lucky kid. LOL. (not)

  7. hot temper. anxiety. low self esteem
    I have these on the top of my lists. I am surprisingly a bitch at home. I think we do hurt the people we (are supposed to) love the most perhaps because they are always there so it is easy for them to get into the line of fire? And also there is no fear of retaliation, say, if I had yelled at my co-workers the way I yelled at my husband and kids even though my coworkers totally deserved it 100 times more?
    I have been working on this self-loathing thing ever since 3rd grade. I really found blogging to be a great therapy since you can't see me, I can't see you, I get to "re-invent" myself (NOT lying) without worrying about what people are going to think of me. Even though, yes, I do worry about what total strangers think of me. Ok. Great. Now I am feeling totally anxious all over again. *sigh*

    perfectionism. criticism. fear of change
    Hmmm. My husband shares the same traits. On top of it, he has a fiery hot temper and short fuse which I didn't realize until we were married. (How is it possible? You asked. I was not blinded by passion I can assure you that!) Against what all the parenting books preach, I DO tell my kids to see these undesirable behaviors as a warning to watch out for themselves. They know from very early on that we are not perfect. And we learn to be parents and better people on a daily basis and sometimes we fail.


Your thoughts are welcome here. As long as they are kind. Or maybe just not unkind.