Wednesday, February 10, 2010

What I Meant to Say Wednesday: Because He is Lame, That is Why

I admit that I find myself getting pretty tense when I attempt to load the boys into the car.  With 18 month old Bert demanding "Up Up Up , MaMa MaMa MaMa, dah-der dah-der dah-der, bubber bubber bubber" as Ernie peppers me with questions in a voice, barely audible, while facing away, with his speech delayed sounds.  I  acknowledge and respond to every word and tirelessly(actually it is totally fucking tiresome) demonstrate understanding and appreciation in order to encourage more speaking.   I am hostage in body and soul to the endless questions and utterances along with diverging agendas.  And when I just want everyone to get in the car, I can become a little resentful after too many questions which sometimes feel like the price for cooperation.  Here is my best effort to replicate what I should know by heart: 

Ernie: Mommy, When our neighbor will take his “yights” down? (those referenced in my Thank You Very Much post)

What I said: Well, it seems he plans to leave them there.

Ernie: Why he does leave them there? It not Christmas anymore and “dey bwoken”.
What I said: Honey, I think he is too busy or maybe just forgot.

Ernie: Mommy, why we can’t "wemind" him?
What I said: Like I said, I think he is too busy or maybe he likes them.

Ernie: Why Mommy? I not “yike dem”. "Yets wemind" him.
What I said: I know baby. I know.

What I would have said if I were kind and benevolent: Well, sweetie. He is doing the best he can. You can see that they are very different in the way they live and we have to respect that. It would be boring if we all did everything the same way.

Not so much what I meant to say, but...What I want to scream each morning as we cycle through this ritual dialog:   Because he sucks.  The very same reason that instead of taking wind blown trash to the trash can, he kicks it into the street, even when it takes 12 or 13 tries.  He doesn’t fucking give a shit how run down his house is.  The only hope for those lights coming down is if we take them down ourselves in the middle of the night.  And there is the possibility that his death or foreclosure might facilitate light removal, either of which would suit me fine.


  1. Having kids is totally draining. Some days I wake up and wonder "WHY!? WHY!? WHY!?"

    Your neighbor sounds awesome. If I lived next door there would be a strong possibility a pile of flaming dog poop might accidentally be delivered to his front door.

  2. There's a site for ordering poop you know. You can even pick the type o' dog that poops for you. Seriously people, what did you do before you had me to share these insights with you?!?!

    You're welcome.

  3. WHY? WHY? WHY? indeed. I lose temper with Mr. Monk at least once a day. Your boys are both young, so you actually are allowed more leeway. Don't feel stressed about being stressed.

    We are one of those ppl with Xmas lights still hanging (but OFF) and decorations still indoors. I am pondering flying my MIL here so she could help me take them down since she helped me put them up... I thought, "Closure everybody needs" right?

  4. I totally relate! My son nearly made my head pop off and explode with his questions!

  5. If all moms were honest, we'd all admit it is very freakin tiresome.

    I love your "dialect" though.

  6. Oh boy, I'm not looking forward to the incessant questions.


Your thoughts are welcome here. As long as they are kind. Or maybe just not unkind.