Friday, November 23, 2012


I've come to see that adrenaline has been my drug of choice. A poor sleeper and eater with terribly low self esteem, I rarely had energy for much. I discovered early on that fear and panic can propel me, regardless of how weak or intimidated I feel, without adequate rest,food, confidence. The thing is, when fueled by adrenaline, I do not make good choices, I am unkind, impatient, and usually do and say things to regret. With program, I no longer rely on adrenaline to get moving.

Here(in my whopping 2years), I've learned the value of caring for my basic needs which allows me to be of service to those things I just can't do. I've also,through near constant contrary action, experienced self esteem and dignity, which allow me to rest fitfully at the end of my days,for the first time in my life.

Through prayer and mediation, along with my readings I've learned to ask "what is needed of me" in each moment. Checking it against How important is it...and Easy does it. In taking good direction, and my life improving, while my circumstances plummet, I'm developing faith,patience, and hope.

In program, learning my needs and limits, having good direction, faith, and self care are all helping me to be less of a paralyzed procrastinator that I may be of maximum service.

It's all so connected.

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