Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Facelift

Just last week, I almost paid for a cutie blog face-lift, basic, you know: minimal down time, least invasive.  New acquaintances would never be able to tell.  Too afraid to dive into my own HTML, I was going to pay 40$ to have my background and fonts changed.  I also contemplated and researched replacing my sweet little orange dinosaur made by Ernie at age 2.5 with some "clever" favicon.

My pursuit for commitment to services and detailed tasks in the name of becoming a true blogger are defining characteristics of a fucktard blogger.

Last night, while not sleeping, some more, I mentally invented Auto-thesauraus.
Why have I not yet stumbled upon such a function?  If it is not yet in existence, why? There  are certain words in dire need of retirement from my vocabulary, aside from fuck, shit, and god damn which still have a lot of life in them, as far as I am concerned. One day, when I am well rested and allowed to interact outside cyber and toddler worlds, I believe my higher than average abilities in language maybe restored.  I enjoy great quantities of time cruising online thesauri(that is queer but correct, i think) to assign substitutes for my 3rd grade and overworked vocabulary.  Without these words at the root of all my N*V*DO(noun verb direct object) sentences, I am lost. I have initiated my list for submission to the auto-thesaurus function, which would seek and automatically replace listed words and mark for approval.
  • Like
  • Love
  • Constantly
  • Hate
  • Never
  • Thought
  • Believe
  • Always
  • Constantly
  • Got
  • Was
  • Feel
  • Constantly
  • Do
  • Get
  • Seem
  • and of course....Fuck
Next, I shall search a function that would diversify sentence structures and complexities, Wouldn't I be all set.  Oh wait,  there is the tiny matter of content.  Auto-blog.  That is the answer.  Where is the auto-blog function?  Maybe they could make an F13 for fucktard keyboards.


  1. 'fucktard'! You don't need a thesaurus!

    Don't pay for a blog facelift; there's a gazillion freebies out there, and hacking the html is fun. Well I like it anyway

    P.S. For some reason your postings don't come up in my google reader. What's going on there eh?

  2. I have a hell of a time with "got." I use it all the time despite feeling like an uneducated redneck every single time. Growing up they learnt me bettern that! Even I know that "I gots to get to the liberry before it closes" just ain't good grammar.

  3. OMG. I am so loving your list of over-used words. Like I always feel the same way too, and I believe that I overuse the word "I" WAAAYYYYY too much. Should we start referring to ourselves in 3rd person??

  4. Don't pay for facelift. You should be able to do this with plugins for Blogger. Or if you are brave, migrate to Wordpress. I believe Wordpress actually has a plugin that will help you migrate all your posts from Blogger to Wordpress. Or you can just download a free template for blogger. It is not that hard. I promise. This FT did it for her blogger site before. If I could do it, anybody can!


Your thoughts are welcome here. As long as they are kind. Or maybe just not unkind.