Thursday, August 13, 2009
So, the presence of young children inhibits what were previously impulsive but regular acts. Gone are the days of dashing into 7-11 for a pack of gum or a Snapple. No more jumping from the car for a wiz or a quick shadoobie at McDonalds,now, with 2 babies in tow. Today while driving, I needed to go poo so badly. I simply could not entertain the idea of going anywhere but home. I was approximately 9 minutes from my own clean toilet. This seemed equivalent in time to disembarking everyone from the car and shuffling into what might not be a vacant or tidy restroom. Walking the pace of my 2 1/2 year old fighting for control of the stroller into a public bathroom seemed unpromising. With my knuckles white, I drove in true frogger-fashion. Panting as if in labor, I pondered the possibility of flashing blue lights appearing in my rearview. I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to. My fully extended legs(and arms) were all that prevented the unthinkable. I have an acquaintance who,due to the delay of being pulled over, crapped his pants. When he opened his window to greet the officer, his odor and appalling admission granted an immediate dispersal....NO TICKET, just a hot mess. I might have to throw my car away if I pooped it up. For some, this might seem a great escape from the consequences of a recorded traffic violation.