Friday, August 7, 2009

Sad Day

Today, my friend's father lost his battle with brain cancer. After online searches and asking around, I come up short for an expression of comfort for Mora as she anguishes the loss of her daddy. The customary offerings of sympathy and support feel generic or too dramatic or might burden my already wounded friend with an obligation to respond correctly. Any suggestions? The most favorable advice recommends remarking on a memorable quality of the one who passed. I like that. Although I was unable to personally know her father, its clear that he bettered the world with his wonderfully caring and positive manner(and good looks). The unbreakable bonds he sustained with both Mora and her sister(and their friends too!) are evidenced by their numerous returns home merely to be together. It is likely an understatement that he has been extraordinary in his capacity to feel and show love for those he cherished. What better way to depart this life than to be encircled by your legacy of love? If I knew the expression opposite "The chickens have come home to roost", it would belong here. If you know it, please submit in the form of a comment. I hope dearly that nothing will take Andy and me from our children. There is however, comfort in knowing that this man's daughter will look after them,in such an event. Thank you John(and Ellen too). XO

1 comment:

  1. I just saw that you voted for my blog over on the Mom Blog Network (thank you), which, in turn, led me over here to your blog. I sympathize with how you're anguishing over what to say. It's painful to watch a friend hurting and not know what, if anything, you can say. If I may offer a suggestion, my mom works in hospice, and I also volunteer there. One thing I've learned as a result is that people who are grieving often just want to be able to talk about the person who died -- repeatedly, to anyone who will listen, and they don't always get as many opportunities as people might think. Death makes so many people uncomfortable, and a lot of people worry that bringing up the person who has died will make a grieving person feel that much worse. So, they talk about anything but, say a few nice words and then change the subject -- or stop calling or writing for fear that they're going to say the wrong thing. I think it's wonderful that you are being so conscientous about supporting her, about figuring out what to say. Honestly, you said such nice things here, I think it would be lovely to say them to her. Starting from "Although I was unable to personally know..." and ending at "it would belong here," you've said something really lovely and from the heart. It's, of course, fair to assume nothing you say will assuage her pain, but it will reaffirm to her that you are part of her circle of support. That's all you can do. Best wishes!


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